Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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