First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
