I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize