I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
