3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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