who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
