Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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