I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Congratulations! We have a period
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