I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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