Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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