i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
