wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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