How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
