Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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