nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
