I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize