he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
