3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
