There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Two words: blizzard sex
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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