normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I cut my penus on the lid.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
