if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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