Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
