I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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