Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
