I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
