So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
