I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
