You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
