so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
