You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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