I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
