I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
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Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
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She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck