Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
