i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dignity is for republicans.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
