no you cant smoke seaweed
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?