This is not my ceiling
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.