More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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