I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
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I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
