Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
