I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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