Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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