Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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