i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
