Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
