if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
