There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
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No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
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I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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