You're earring is so big in my mouth
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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