Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
