I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
