lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
