this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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