I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
