after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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