but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
