remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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