Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
