he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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