You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize