She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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