dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
