Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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