He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Come on in and take your pants off
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