Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
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she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
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It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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