Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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