Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
