I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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