she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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