so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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