This girl is more easily done than said...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
