i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
