The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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