Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
