The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It's official drugs can't kill me
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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