i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
