Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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