Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
