yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
