Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
