i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
