my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You are a genius and a whore.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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