I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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