There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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