I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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