I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
