i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
