It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
