You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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