Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
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I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
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there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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