Jerry, you need to find god
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I wish you could order shots online.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
