I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
