atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
