You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
