So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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