I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
