Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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