Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
